TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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