I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
