I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
