it was like his penis was on wheels.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
