There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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