Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
