I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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