there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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