I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My vagina just clenched in fear
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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