After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
