so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want to be your penis for a week.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
