Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
time to smoke my breakfast
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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