Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
