I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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