you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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