Little spoons don't ask big questions
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
