So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
