Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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