Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
