I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
