Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dual....:-)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize