There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
