WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
