I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
