So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
