She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
