you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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