When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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