"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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