if you like me you must not know who I am
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
