batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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