The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
