btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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