u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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