That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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