weddingsv make me drug and hornr
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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