i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
