Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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