I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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