The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize