you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
