"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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