i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Come on in and take your pants off
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