ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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