New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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