Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
