haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize