Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love you. Go after that dick
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
