I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
