Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
