I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just high enough for therapy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize