and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
