There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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