he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
