the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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