So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize