I smell stomach acid.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
