What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
