I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize