one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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