Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
