we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
