I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
