i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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