the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
