he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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