apparently the secret to your success is patron
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
