do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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