Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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