he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
