i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
