Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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