I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
