Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm bleeding and have questions
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
