i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
