made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
