been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
