I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
