Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Found the puke drawer
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
