My first STD was from a foam party
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
