She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
