he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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