Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
