it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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