i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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