I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
