found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize