Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
