she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
