Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
