she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
