Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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