you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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