im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
