end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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